Tagged: Personal

Wheeze. Ouch.

I just got home from the doctor and the pharmacy. I’ve got two a one-two punch of illness, and I’m really not thrilled about that. There are too many things on my docket.

  • Continue the job hunt for social media, content management/creation, and writing, positions
  • Keep working on the fiction projects
    • 19 Puffs of Smoke
    • Half-Man Hunting (new, waiting to see if it evolves into a full manuscript)
    • Super Love! (which I’ve let go fallow for a bit)
    • Blood Soaked #4, Blood Soaked and Unleashed

Beyond that, there’s not terribly much to update you on. I would like it if you continued to spread the good word about my zombie books that are already on the market. The best marketing in the world for authors is still recommendations from friends.

Speaking of which, if you have not read Sean Smith’s “Objects of Wrath,” Paul Mannering’s “Tank Bread” series, and Mike Clary’s “Guardian” series… let me tell you, you’re missing out on some of the best small press fiction out there.


Fear, loss, and powerlessness

I found out today that one of my dearest friends (from my teen years until now) is in the hospital. The prognosis is not good.

The fear of loss looms, and I feel powerless. I am powerless.

There are things I knew, and things I didn’t know. None of them are anything I can stop, or could have stopped, had I known how bad things had become.

This space is the powerlessness of impending loss, and the anticipation of a hole appearing in my heart. How will I contain this when I go to the hospital tomorrow? Will I even manage to appear…normal?

She was, is, an artist. She spurred me on in my work when I turned to art, even if our expression of it couldn’t have been more different. We encouraged one another.

Because I am outside her life, I see the ripples she made in the lives of others, good and bad. I feel those waves inside me, and I hope they will never fade. I pray they won’t.

I pray that she won’t fade. I am not a prayerful man.

While I write fiction, I use this blog to comment on life, more than about what I write. You see, what I write is who I am. Messages you find in my books are messages from me. The characters are not me, but they reflect facets of me.

Now I am telling you a story of personal fear, the inexorability of loss—save for some unexpected miracle—and the heart-distorting power of powerlessness. Ultimately, it is also a story of love, because I will never stop loving her, no matter how things play out from this moment forward.

What I will tell you now is what I have learned. Repair rifts. Love. Forgive. Cherish. Heal. Rejoice. We never know the moment of parting.

New idea & What I’ve been up to

The Man Scythe was a great idea for anti-zombie combat, but I’ve been wondering if a spear or halberd wouldn’t be a better choice. For normal people, you’d want to be as far away from a zombie in melee combat as possible. A spear would let you stay out of arms’ reach.

What happens when I have an idea for a bladed weapon? I have to design the thing. Once again, this is beyond my skill to make. I’d need Tony Swatton to do it.

Maybe I will, some day. I know the guy from the knifemaking world, and he is absolutely as good as he claims to be. His stories from doing props in Hollywood are epic.

In the meantime, allow me to introduce the Carver Anti-Zombie weapon.

Carver Spear
Copyright James Crawford, 2014

In the realm of real blades, I’ve been working on a shirasaya mounting for a traditional tanto that I forged last year. Wooden sheaths are NOT EASY, and I think I’d rather have someone else do them for me. (Now it makes sense why Japanese swordsmiths farm out all the other operations in the process of making a complete sword.)

33mm tanto
33mm tanto in shirasaya. Hand forged 1075 HC steel. German silver habaki.